Perfect Authentic Me

How Being Nice Can Kill You [Podcast]

“Who gets ill and who doesn’t is not an accident” – dr. Gabor Maté

Listen to this podcast ‘How Being Nice Can Kill You’ to discover which particular patterns are chronic illness prone and a major risk factor for disease, as well as capable of killing people. And 3 powerful steps that start to release these patterns and creating more healing for yourself.

P.s. Do you recognise any of the patterns mentioned in this podcast? If so, please share which ones(s) in the comment box below. I love to hear from you!





  • I do recognize quit a lot of steps you mention in this podcast. Especially towards my own children, and towards my sisters and father, but also towards friends that mean a lot to me, I also notice this in a therapeutic constellation (I “play” the loyal, friendly, pleasing good patient/client that pays the therapy).
    With my children, it has become problematic, in this way that it feels impossible for me to ‘go my own way’ whitout being sure that they are fine, playing, busy, feeling good, taking care of by another adult, …
    In the relationship with my sisters and father, it shows itself more like this: I try to show them that I am doing fine, making them feel at home, feeling guilty when they want to ‘do something for me’, not telling or showing them how tired I am, how much pain I endure, or that I still have the same problems as the previous time.
    In the relationship with my friends, I keep my strong opinions, my sad feelings, my pain too, I try as hard as I can to do normal and keep up with the social life, which costs me tons of energy. Afterwords I find myself critising this or that friend or situation. No way this friend will ever here me complaining or saying ‘my truths’.
    With therapists I try to do my best too, to be the perfect patient, I am very afraid of telling them how I truely feel or think about life or myself. I give them the idea that they know and they are more wise than I am.

    All of this because I feel so afraid of being left, abandonned. I recognise by hearing this podcast that it is for compensating this huge fear, and the belief that I will be left alone when people discover the “truth” about myself.
    I will defenitly try the 3 steps to create more awareness, allowing and welcoming. I hope I can still learn to put loving bounderies around me and change this strong pattern.
    Thank you for another powerfull insight, Nicole.

  • This is totally me! I have always been a people pleaser. When I was 33yrs old I had my first child and the RA started when he was 6 weeks old. Then when he was 2 or 3 yrs old I went into remission. I got pregnant with my 2nd child my daughter and she was born in the summer 2017. RA came back for couple months then left. Then it came back in the summer of 2018 and it has been very difficult since then. I just want everyone to be happy so things are peaceful. I want I feel peace and clam. I struggle with parenting. I work full time and my husband is the stay at home parent. I always can keep a clean house. How do I do step 3 embrass myself? I do believe I have RA to learn something. Thank you for doing what you do! Melissa

  • Dear Valérie, thank you for your comment. And thank you for recognising and being honest with yourself about what has been a particular pattern in your life thus far. It may seem odd to say this, as it often doesn’t feel that way, but well done for doing so! The first step is always awareness. For without it we stay stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. Secondly, well done for being honest with yourself. Again, this is an essential step in creating transformations and change. You’re braver than you think. The patterns you experience are not uncommon at all, so please take heart in that. And you do have it in you to start creating healthy bounderies for yourself. This can definitely change. And you’ve created a beginning already. As you practise these steps, and others, being compassionate to yourself is important. It’s not always easy of course. If you stay stuck or want some help, let me know.

  • Hi Melissa, thanks for your comment. I’m ‘glad’ you recognise the particular patterns mentioned. As I will always say to people, first step of change is awareness, so well done. You mention that you want everyone to be happy and to feel peaceful and calm yourself. My question to you is do you feel happy, peaceful and calm when you’re pleasing people all the time? When you can see that it doesn’t *and it never will), then this already allows for a shift, because you can see this patterns does not give you what you want. Also, what are you afraid of if people around you are not happy? Discovering this, allows you to become aware of what you keep fighting against subconsiously. And thirdly, people are never happy all of the time, nor are you responsible for how they feel. As your question about how to embrace yourself, when you allow what is, what comes up for you, how you feel, in doing so you are embracing yourself, because you’re not pushing yourself, and your needs, aside.

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